Never ordering a dessert, then eating mine"Ooh no, I'm full. I couldn't possibly eat any pudding, I'm stuffed," she says. And when my treacle pudding arrives she would have one spoon after another and finish the whole thing.
Failing to grasp that she moultsEvery now and then her hair would block the shower plughole for which she would say, "That's not necessarily mine!"
Never packing enough books, or even any books, for a holidayShe'll make a huge fuss about capsule wardrobes but would never pack a book. Just a couple of magazines for the plane, which she leafs through in four minutes after which she grabs the fat thriller you've been looking forward to reading for months. She would hog it for a week, then leaves it on a boat when she's finished and says: "It was rubbish anyway."
Refusing to offer an opinion when asked for oneWhich is so very different from not having an opinion. So if we're thinking of going out for dinner, for example, and you say: "What do you fancy, Chinese? Italian? A nice bit of sushi?" She'll say: "I don't mind, whatever you feel like." And when you book an Italian restaurant, she would say, "You know perfectly well that I hate Italian food."
Constantly saying, "The thing that women find most attractive in a man is a sense of humour"Which just isn't true. What women find attractive is tall, handsome, rich. That is what women find attractive. And that is all.
Giving up in the middle of every gameChess or cribbage or tennis or croquet or absolutely anything — it happens the moment they go slightly behind and no longer look like winning.
Never being satisfied with a hotel roomWhen you arrive at your hotel after a long journey and flop yourself down on the bed, she'll stand in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips and say: "Well, this just won't do, it's supposed to have a view!" Then insist on seeing every single other room in the hotel, before actually deciding that the first room was fine, after all.
Thinking animals have feelings"I feel so sorry for that puppy, it looked so sad, it really wanted us to take it home." No, it's a dog. It does not feel sadness. It feels only hunger and the need to foul the pavement outside my house. It does not feel sad, or rejected, or worthless or unwanted.
Always leaving some awful pop music station on top volume in the car when she was the last one to drive itSo that when you get in on a cold morning to go to work, and switch the radio on expecting to hear the mellifluous mutterings of the Today programme, it instead blasts into shrieking life with some frightful oik bellowing rage into a voice-distorter over the sound of a huge drum kit being kicked down a hill by donkeys.
Making a huge fuss about how important it is
But then, when the tournament starts, she's only interested in watching the men, because they're sexy and the tennis is exciting, and doesn't watch even a second of the ladies, because it's boring and they grunt too much. that women players get the same Wimbledon prize money as male players
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